Through out time it has been demonstrated that most people are a product of their environment. They wake up by a bell, are told how they should look, eat and act by the media, they go to class and change classes by the bell and then go home again to be told again,how they should look, eat and act by their parents/guardians.
Some of us have the reality of breaking free from those puppeteers strings. However, the majority of us still wake up by a bell, do as we are told and behave the way someone else says we need to behave.
Here is an awesome quote that I hope you take to heart:
“If you don’t set a baseline standard for what you’ll accept in your life, you’ll find it’s easy to slip into behaviors and attitudes or a quality of life that’s far below what you deserve. You need to set and live by these standards no matter what happens in your life.”— Anthony Robbins, Awaken the Giant Within
I encourage you all to decide what standard is good for you...and take the steps necessary to change your patterns, belief systems and surroundings and start living the way you deserve!!
Tuesday, November 5, 2013
Thursday, September 26, 2013
1998 The year I thought was the beginning of a new life
I told you in my last post that I was really going to get real.
I came across something I had written in 1998. I had just divorced and moved to Pa to live with my father. My boys were so young.... so was I....
I had decided to put my self through college....one of the things that my ex would not allow me to do... it was kind of a I will show you kind of thing....
This was a writing assignment... and when I reread it recently all the emotions came back...
October 5th, 1998
Journey to the Beginning of my Life
The sun was rising The air was crisp and refreshing. I took a deep breath. I could feel my heart flutter. I took one last look at my surroundings. It had been our home for the last ten years. As I began this journey I realized it wasn't just a moving trip to Hilltown, Pennsylvania, it was the beginning of a whole new life.
My sons had fallen asleep. They had spent the whole day before saying goodbye to their father. What an emotional nightmare for a four and six year old to have to go through.
It was an emotional hell I knew to well. Ten years of trying to hold it all together. Ten years of crying deep in my soul. Crying for just one kind word, one that would come from the heart. If only he could love as passionately as he hated. My soul cried desperately for someone to rescue that little girl trapped inside my body.
I did try to understand and made all the excuses in the world for him. He was raised in a communist country. He was taught about religion by underground Catholicism. He saw his family in and out of prison because of their political affiliations. He basically lived a rough life, learning to hate, learning to retaliate. This is why he did what he did...this is why he was always so angry.
Sixty five miles per our did not seem fast enough. The memories came in and out of my head faster than each mile marker went by. the farther away from Montgomery I drove, the more my heart fluttered. I became more and more excited, more exhilarated. All my senses seemed to heighten.
I could suddenly hear the crickets chirping along. I never noticed the crickets...not like this, they were chirping in a steady song as if singing to me...."Don't look back, Don't look back...". The grass glistened in its bath of morning dew. I could see each little rainbow shining from each droplet. The shade of green gave me a sense of new life. A rebirth of the day yet to come. The air smelled like dampened earth. I could feel the warmth of the sun as it slowly rose, showing me the way. I could feel life pouring into me. All my secret wishes and dreams would soon come to life.
He wasn't a complete tyrant. Although his sinister black eyebrows and jet black hair would show signs of unheard tales, there was a good side....one of his many faces. He could be very sweet when he wanted to be. His Latin blood was a very passionate one. That was part of his psychosis. Passion. He loved passionately and hated just as passionately. Even in the end of it all his bitterness proved passionate.
Six hundred more miles to go and I relived in my head the past ten years. I could feel the pain in my temples as the stress began to surface. I began to laugh uncontrollably I felt crazed. The pictures of all the madness of ten years sped through my head....how we met that first night...the roses on my door step...the excruciating pain I felt in my arm as he slammed the car door on it out of rage before the wedding. The joy in his eyes at the Grand Opening of his medical practice. The pain of pure rejection when I was pregnant ...being told I was fat and that he wouldn't touch me with a ten foot pole. The pain of the first blow. The pain of all the bruises. The pain of a broken heart. So much pain and yet I hung on to the dream of a perfect marriage. I laughed uncontrollably.
The laughter turned into sobs. An overwhelming rush of emotion flowed through my body...fear, sadness, anger, joy, failure...Every neuron tingled. I cried long and hard.
My boys stared at me in complete confusion. They looked frightened. I am not sure at what point they had woken up. I wondered what they were thinking. I wondered if they were thinking of their pains too. The vicious words. The feelings of disappointment The painful kicks to the head, neck and chest. The fear of being locked in a dark room for using the left hand to eat with....the fear of whether or not daddy was coming home soon.
"It's alright guys", I said as I wiped my eyes trying to get hold of myself. "Mommy is just being a silly goose!" How lame. That is what I always said to them when they saw me cry.
"Are y'all hungry?" I tried to divert their attention. "Look guys", I pointed at the golden arches. Shrieks of laughter startled me as the boys became excited. They enjoyed playing at the McDonalds play land. I enjoyed the break.
Back on the road again...the farther north we traveled the colder it got. Our mood seemed to change. We began to think and talk of the future. No longer would I have to be yelled at because I did not cut the onions just right. No longer would I have to be humiliated by being dressed by him or having him apply my makeup. No more being afraid that he would hurt my boys in rage. No more death threats. No more hearing that he was going to kill them first so that I would have pain and then kill me after. I realized we could be safe. We didn't have to live that way anymore. And, although those fears subsided, new fears now began to slowly creep into my head.
I looked in the rear view mirror. My heart leaped. Was that him? Had he followed me all this way? My mind at that point had shifted gears. Shear fright rose through my body. The threats were loud in my head. The knowledge of the private investigators he hired to follow me while we were in hiding. I had to think fast. I could see an exit ahead.
To my disappointment the exit was closed. My heart sank. I looked in the rear view mirror again The maroon 350 SDL was approaching faster and faster. Tears of fear began to well in my eyes. I could only hold my breath. I prayed that my children were low enough in their seats that if he had one of his many guns they wouldn't be hit.
The words came into my head again as if someone had hit me with a sledge hammer. "I will kill you and them, but them first so that you will suffer and then it will be you!" I could hear his accent strongly in my head. It was deafening.
The maroon Mercedes was on my tail now. I had no choices. I pulled into the right hand lane hoping that it would just pass by. As the car came closer I could feel the hair on my ars stand up. A chill of death went trough my body. As the car approached my eyes locked on the driver. All I could see was dark hair. I felt as though my hear would stop. Just then, the person turned and looked at me. SHE had a look of concern on her face. It was a she, not him!!
I was relieved. The woman nodded at me as if to say it will be alright. A sense of satisfaction overcame me. I was on the right track. I was beginning a new life.
Now I live in Hilltown. My boys have adjusted quite nicely. I have gone through a major brain unscrambling and am quite happy. I've decided that no one or thing will get in our way ever again. Now one will ever abuse me or my boys and we will live happily ever after.
Your thoughts are appreciated...and if you have a story...by all means....share...
I came across something I had written in 1998. I had just divorced and moved to Pa to live with my father. My boys were so young.... so was I....
I had decided to put my self through college....one of the things that my ex would not allow me to do... it was kind of a I will show you kind of thing....
This was a writing assignment... and when I reread it recently all the emotions came back...
October 5th, 1998
Journey to the Beginning of my Life
The sun was rising The air was crisp and refreshing. I took a deep breath. I could feel my heart flutter. I took one last look at my surroundings. It had been our home for the last ten years. As I began this journey I realized it wasn't just a moving trip to Hilltown, Pennsylvania, it was the beginning of a whole new life.
My sons had fallen asleep. They had spent the whole day before saying goodbye to their father. What an emotional nightmare for a four and six year old to have to go through.
It was an emotional hell I knew to well. Ten years of trying to hold it all together. Ten years of crying deep in my soul. Crying for just one kind word, one that would come from the heart. If only he could love as passionately as he hated. My soul cried desperately for someone to rescue that little girl trapped inside my body.
I did try to understand and made all the excuses in the world for him. He was raised in a communist country. He was taught about religion by underground Catholicism. He saw his family in and out of prison because of their political affiliations. He basically lived a rough life, learning to hate, learning to retaliate. This is why he did what he did...this is why he was always so angry.
Sixty five miles per our did not seem fast enough. The memories came in and out of my head faster than each mile marker went by. the farther away from Montgomery I drove, the more my heart fluttered. I became more and more excited, more exhilarated. All my senses seemed to heighten.
I could suddenly hear the crickets chirping along. I never noticed the crickets...not like this, they were chirping in a steady song as if singing to me...."Don't look back, Don't look back...". The grass glistened in its bath of morning dew. I could see each little rainbow shining from each droplet. The shade of green gave me a sense of new life. A rebirth of the day yet to come. The air smelled like dampened earth. I could feel the warmth of the sun as it slowly rose, showing me the way. I could feel life pouring into me. All my secret wishes and dreams would soon come to life.
He wasn't a complete tyrant. Although his sinister black eyebrows and jet black hair would show signs of unheard tales, there was a good side....one of his many faces. He could be very sweet when he wanted to be. His Latin blood was a very passionate one. That was part of his psychosis. Passion. He loved passionately and hated just as passionately. Even in the end of it all his bitterness proved passionate.
Six hundred more miles to go and I relived in my head the past ten years. I could feel the pain in my temples as the stress began to surface. I began to laugh uncontrollably I felt crazed. The pictures of all the madness of ten years sped through my head....how we met that first night...the roses on my door step...the excruciating pain I felt in my arm as he slammed the car door on it out of rage before the wedding. The joy in his eyes at the Grand Opening of his medical practice. The pain of pure rejection when I was pregnant ...being told I was fat and that he wouldn't touch me with a ten foot pole. The pain of the first blow. The pain of all the bruises. The pain of a broken heart. So much pain and yet I hung on to the dream of a perfect marriage. I laughed uncontrollably.
The laughter turned into sobs. An overwhelming rush of emotion flowed through my body...fear, sadness, anger, joy, failure...Every neuron tingled. I cried long and hard.
My boys stared at me in complete confusion. They looked frightened. I am not sure at what point they had woken up. I wondered what they were thinking. I wondered if they were thinking of their pains too. The vicious words. The feelings of disappointment The painful kicks to the head, neck and chest. The fear of being locked in a dark room for using the left hand to eat with....the fear of whether or not daddy was coming home soon.
"It's alright guys", I said as I wiped my eyes trying to get hold of myself. "Mommy is just being a silly goose!" How lame. That is what I always said to them when they saw me cry.
"Are y'all hungry?" I tried to divert their attention. "Look guys", I pointed at the golden arches. Shrieks of laughter startled me as the boys became excited. They enjoyed playing at the McDonalds play land. I enjoyed the break.
Back on the road again...the farther north we traveled the colder it got. Our mood seemed to change. We began to think and talk of the future. No longer would I have to be yelled at because I did not cut the onions just right. No longer would I have to be humiliated by being dressed by him or having him apply my makeup. No more being afraid that he would hurt my boys in rage. No more death threats. No more hearing that he was going to kill them first so that I would have pain and then kill me after. I realized we could be safe. We didn't have to live that way anymore. And, although those fears subsided, new fears now began to slowly creep into my head.
I looked in the rear view mirror. My heart leaped. Was that him? Had he followed me all this way? My mind at that point had shifted gears. Shear fright rose through my body. The threats were loud in my head. The knowledge of the private investigators he hired to follow me while we were in hiding. I had to think fast. I could see an exit ahead.
To my disappointment the exit was closed. My heart sank. I looked in the rear view mirror again The maroon 350 SDL was approaching faster and faster. Tears of fear began to well in my eyes. I could only hold my breath. I prayed that my children were low enough in their seats that if he had one of his many guns they wouldn't be hit.
The words came into my head again as if someone had hit me with a sledge hammer. "I will kill you and them, but them first so that you will suffer and then it will be you!" I could hear his accent strongly in my head. It was deafening.
The maroon Mercedes was on my tail now. I had no choices. I pulled into the right hand lane hoping that it would just pass by. As the car came closer I could feel the hair on my ars stand up. A chill of death went trough my body. As the car approached my eyes locked on the driver. All I could see was dark hair. I felt as though my hear would stop. Just then, the person turned and looked at me. SHE had a look of concern on her face. It was a she, not him!!
I was relieved. The woman nodded at me as if to say it will be alright. A sense of satisfaction overcame me. I was on the right track. I was beginning a new life.
Now I live in Hilltown. My boys have adjusted quite nicely. I have gone through a major brain unscrambling and am quite happy. I've decided that no one or thing will get in our way ever again. Now one will ever abuse me or my boys and we will live happily ever after.
Your thoughts are appreciated...and if you have a story...by all means....share...
Sunday, September 22, 2013
Let's get real
So, I haven't been here in a while. La ti Da.
What I've realized is that I love blogging when I can get real... so for now on... I am going to do exactly what this blog is for and just ramble.... and I might make you laugh, cry or even piss you off or make you scratch your head at some point... but that's life.. life makes you do all of the above.
I will be the first to admit that I struggle with a rather huge problem. At the age of 46 I still put myself in the "not good enough" or "less than" category.
I know for a fact I am not alone. I have spent the last 28 years doing mammograms on women....
And, as you could guess every single woman has a story of "less than" or "not good enough".
Does it ever make you wonder why on earth that is??? I wonder all the time.
I am not going to go into coaching mode right now, because right now I just want to vent. However, after you read this post please please send an email to yourofficehelptoday@gmail.com and tell me YOUR story...
With that being said, let's get to the venting stage!
No one is better than me. And, No one is better than you. It sucks that we can't figure that out and really feel that, but it's the truth.
We all have this weird idea that we should want what everyone else wants, we should behave like everyone else, that we should get upset by the same things and have the same ideas....BUT WE DON'T!! And, deep down you know it!
But, society would lead you to believe that something must really be wrong with you because.....whoa is me.....you are different...
You know...when I was a little girl...I wanted to wear long dresses and tennis shoes at the same time. Guess what that got me.... people whispering about me, the little boy I had a crush on making sure I hit the teachers desk with a toy truck so that I would get in trouble, being snickered at while attending a birthday party.... you know... the warming up period of ...hahaha look at her...she sucks... she isn't like us so she is not good enough.... she'll never amount to anything because...she is less than.
So...this is the beginning of figuring all of that out once and for all and making it a point to let all you others out there that haven't found your voice to get these feelings out to have a place to vent and get answers and to see that ...we are all different no matter what.....and all the same at the same time.
Would love to hear your stories.... You'll certainly hear mine...
What I've realized is that I love blogging when I can get real... so for now on... I am going to do exactly what this blog is for and just ramble.... and I might make you laugh, cry or even piss you off or make you scratch your head at some point... but that's life.. life makes you do all of the above.
I will be the first to admit that I struggle with a rather huge problem. At the age of 46 I still put myself in the "not good enough" or "less than" category.
I know for a fact I am not alone. I have spent the last 28 years doing mammograms on women....
And, as you could guess every single woman has a story of "less than" or "not good enough".
Does it ever make you wonder why on earth that is??? I wonder all the time.
I am not going to go into coaching mode right now, because right now I just want to vent. However, after you read this post please please send an email to yourofficehelptoday@gmail.com and tell me YOUR story...
With that being said, let's get to the venting stage!
No one is better than me. And, No one is better than you. It sucks that we can't figure that out and really feel that, but it's the truth.
We all have this weird idea that we should want what everyone else wants, we should behave like everyone else, that we should get upset by the same things and have the same ideas....BUT WE DON'T!! And, deep down you know it!
But, society would lead you to believe that something must really be wrong with you because.....whoa is me.....you are different...
You know...when I was a little girl...I wanted to wear long dresses and tennis shoes at the same time. Guess what that got me.... people whispering about me, the little boy I had a crush on making sure I hit the teachers desk with a toy truck so that I would get in trouble, being snickered at while attending a birthday party.... you know... the warming up period of ...hahaha look at her...she sucks... she isn't like us so she is not good enough.... she'll never amount to anything because...she is less than.
So...this is the beginning of figuring all of that out once and for all and making it a point to let all you others out there that haven't found your voice to get these feelings out to have a place to vent and get answers and to see that ...we are all different no matter what.....and all the same at the same time.
Would love to hear your stories.... You'll certainly hear mine...
Thursday, September 5, 2013
Are you a Giver or are you a Prostitute?
My nature is to be a giver. Most women are in the same boat. It's part of being a woman...when we give we nurture.
However, many people get caught in a trap. One which I believe puts you in the state of being a prostitute.
What is a prostitute? Its someone that gives something to get something....right?
So what are you? Are you someone that feels that the only way you can get love is to give something? Are you someone that feels that you're not good enough unless you are giving? Did you know that most people feel that if they give away their money (like insisting to pay for dinner or lunch for everyone attending) they will gain significance? Well that's the same as being a prostitute. What happens to most prostitutes.....they either get beat up, or get a disease....because they gave to get.
Don't get me wrong, there is absolutely nothing wrong with being a giver, so long as you are doing it from a place of abundance rather than that of need.
If you give from your heart rather than from the place of thinking that if you give you get then being a giver will make you happy.
On the flip side, if you are a giver to get....you become a prostitute of sorts.
Think about it...
In the end...when you catch a passion for helping others a richer life will come back to you!!
However, many people get caught in a trap. One which I believe puts you in the state of being a prostitute.
What is a prostitute? Its someone that gives something to get something....right?
So what are you? Are you someone that feels that the only way you can get love is to give something? Are you someone that feels that you're not good enough unless you are giving? Did you know that most people feel that if they give away their money (like insisting to pay for dinner or lunch for everyone attending) they will gain significance? Well that's the same as being a prostitute. What happens to most prostitutes.....they either get beat up, or get a disease....because they gave to get.
Don't get me wrong, there is absolutely nothing wrong with being a giver, so long as you are doing it from a place of abundance rather than that of need.
If you give from your heart rather than from the place of thinking that if you give you get then being a giver will make you happy.
On the flip side, if you are a giver to get....you become a prostitute of sorts.
Think about it...
In the end...when you catch a passion for helping others a richer life will come back to you!!
Sunday, September 1, 2013
September and Time
I woke up this morning wondering how on earth are we already in September!!??
This lead me to thinking about time, about how time is so relative.
I could sit here for 10 minutes feeling like I have been sitting here for 10 hours. I am sure you have felt the same thing. Kind of like when you are given a task to do at work that you absolutely hate to do and although it only takes 10 minutes you feel like you've been at it all day long.
There are times however when I am doing something I absolutely love, like gardening. I start out in the morning weeding or planting only to find myself wondering why the sun is going down (and why I didn't apply sunscreen again!)
So, with that being said, here is a something worth thinking about....
You can spend your time counting the minutes or you can spend your time enjoying the minutes.....
The greatest thing is ...you get to choose. Choose wisely. We only have a limited amount of time on this earth!!
What are your thoughts?
This lead me to thinking about time, about how time is so relative.
I could sit here for 10 minutes feeling like I have been sitting here for 10 hours. I am sure you have felt the same thing. Kind of like when you are given a task to do at work that you absolutely hate to do and although it only takes 10 minutes you feel like you've been at it all day long.
There are times however when I am doing something I absolutely love, like gardening. I start out in the morning weeding or planting only to find myself wondering why the sun is going down (and why I didn't apply sunscreen again!)
So, with that being said, here is a something worth thinking about....
You can spend your time counting the minutes or you can spend your time enjoying the minutes.....
The greatest thing is ...you get to choose. Choose wisely. We only have a limited amount of time on this earth!!
What are your thoughts?
Thursday, August 29, 2013
Healing and Healing
It is sometimes mind boggling what you learn when you are down. Down doesn't have to be depression, or out of money, or lost of a loved one...it can just be down.
Recently I had major surgery. I was told that healing could take as short as 10 days to 4 weeks. I think my mind stuck on the ten day scenario simply because I am not one to just sit still.
I am only one week into healing physically and I had a bit of an emotional butt kicking. Yes...I am very hard on myself but that's the way it is.
I just couldn't understand why I was feeling so tired, why I wanted to cry, why I could wake up feeling absolutely amazing and a few short hours later if felt like I needed to just collapse and sleep. I began calling myself a wuss. Apologizing to anyone around me for my inadequacies. You know, things like why I am so slow at the grocery check out. Why I feel the need to lay down again and not spend time. I am sorry for this and sorry for that...etc.
Then, I did a search on post surgery stuff and found that its not just me out there feeling like I'd been crushed by a car.
After reading all that I read I realized that actually I am not sorry. It's an old label I gave myself many years ago.... it kind of goes along with that "not good enough" label that attached itself to my backside at a very young age only to be found and ripped off after looking in a mirror for a long time.
I remembered that I had written a book about these kinds of labels and asked myself...what would I tell someone else who confided in my about these feelings.
I would tell them...girlfriend...you just had major surgery!! No one expects you to be wonder woman right now...except for you...so give yourself a break already!!!
So, that's what I will do...I am going to give myself a break. I am going to give myself time to heal and realize that's all I need to do right now.
If you find yourself in a situation where you are questioning yourself..... have you given yourself time to heal??
I'd love for you to have a look at the book I wrote and how I was able to leave the labels behind and begin my journey of healing. It's also the technique I have used on some of my coaching clients (women from abuse).
Here is a link to the amazon listing of the book:
The 7 Minute Mirror, Reflection, Revision, Results
Let me know what you think and if you need some healing and healing. :)
Recently I had major surgery. I was told that healing could take as short as 10 days to 4 weeks. I think my mind stuck on the ten day scenario simply because I am not one to just sit still.
I am only one week into healing physically and I had a bit of an emotional butt kicking. Yes...I am very hard on myself but that's the way it is.
I just couldn't understand why I was feeling so tired, why I wanted to cry, why I could wake up feeling absolutely amazing and a few short hours later if felt like I needed to just collapse and sleep. I began calling myself a wuss. Apologizing to anyone around me for my inadequacies. You know, things like why I am so slow at the grocery check out. Why I feel the need to lay down again and not spend time. I am sorry for this and sorry for that...etc.
Then, I did a search on post surgery stuff and found that its not just me out there feeling like I'd been crushed by a car.
After reading all that I read I realized that actually I am not sorry. It's an old label I gave myself many years ago.... it kind of goes along with that "not good enough" label that attached itself to my backside at a very young age only to be found and ripped off after looking in a mirror for a long time.
I remembered that I had written a book about these kinds of labels and asked myself...what would I tell someone else who confided in my about these feelings.
I would tell them...girlfriend...you just had major surgery!! No one expects you to be wonder woman right now...except for you...so give yourself a break already!!!
So, that's what I will do...I am going to give myself a break. I am going to give myself time to heal and realize that's all I need to do right now.
If you find yourself in a situation where you are questioning yourself..... have you given yourself time to heal??
I'd love for you to have a look at the book I wrote and how I was able to leave the labels behind and begin my journey of healing. It's also the technique I have used on some of my coaching clients (women from abuse).
Here is a link to the amazon listing of the book:
The 7 Minute Mirror, Reflection, Revision, Results
Let me know what you think and if you need some healing and healing. :)
Saturday, August 24, 2013
The Road to Recovery
So I am on the road to recovery and really excited !! As I said before the surgery I am excited about things to come and I am still very excited.
I am more than ever seeing every opportunity that is presented... as I learn more about rainmakers and see how much of me is rainmaker material all I can do is keep going forward!!
So, my wish to all of you is that you see what is naturally you, embrace it, harness it and then take the ride of your life and do whatever it is that makes you happy!!
So, my wish to all of you is that you see what is naturally you, embrace it, harness it and then take the ride of your life and do whatever it is that makes you happy!!
I now realize what people mean when they say the possibilities are endless, because they really are!!
I am more than ever seeing every opportunity that is presented... as I learn more about rainmakers and see how much of me is rainmaker material all I can do is keep going forward!!
So, my wish to all of you is that you see what is naturally you, embrace it, harness it and then take the ride of your life and do whatever it is that makes you happy!!
So, my wish to all of you is that you see what is naturally you, embrace it, harness it and then take the ride of your life and do whatever it is that makes you happy!!
I now realize what people mean when they say the possibilities are endless, because they really are!!
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